


Is This the Part?

by JessaLRynn



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2014-04-07
Packaged: 2018-01-18 13:24:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1430095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessaLRynn/pseuds/JessaLRynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose, Jack, and the Doctor relax while the TARDIS takes some routine readings. Fun and frivolity ensue. One shot!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is This the Part?

**Author's Note:**

> Three bored time travelers and a bowl of popcorn...
> 
> * * *

  
The TARDIS hovered in a loose orbit above Sirius B, taking readings of some anomaly that the Doctor apparently routinely watched with a weather eye. The time ship and her Time Lord had no particular trouble finding the phenomenon absolutely fascinating. Jack Harkness had no trouble being interested in it the first time it was discussed. Even Rose the former shop-girl had been curious about something the Doctor had tracked at least once in every lifetime.

Now, three days later, while the TARDIS was collating the new data with the results from the previous four thousand scans, however, even the Doctor confessed to being a trifle less than enthusiastic. Still, there were safe ways for him to entertain his crew, since they were in a star system that also had available some of the best films and holos ever produced.

Rose agreed readily, and then Jack was willing to do just about anything to please one or the other of his companions (you could never tell for sure which) so, with that settled, they adjourned to the movie room, leaving the TARDIS to her own amusements, such as they were.

The screen took up one wall, which made Rose exclaim with delight. The seating was a sofa-like affair of attached, over-stuffed chairs, which amused and, apparently, encouraged Jack. He leered at both of them in his usual flirtatious, suggestive manner, and sat down in the middle with a satisfied smirk.

Rose, it seemed, had wanted the middle too, because she snatched up one of the cushions from the corner, and lit into Jack, who yelped, and counter attacked, while she shrieked and giggled and the Doctor shook his head and grinned. They were both so in love with life, and he supposed it would only be a matter of time before they were in love with each other, too. It seemed inevitable, though he desperately wanted to keep both of them with him for awhile yet. Well. He could hold that off a little more time, anyway.

"Children," he exclaimed over the noisy, tickling fight, "you are going to miss the beginning of the movie, if you don't settle down."

They looked up at him, and looked at each other. He knew, before it happened, what they had silently decided, and caught both cushions before they hit him, grinning at them. "Nice try, little apes. Have a seat; I'll sit in the middle."

The look Rose shot him after this was slightly scary, and more than a little naughty. Jack's matching expression, while expected, was almost as scary, for all that it was far more predatory. The Doctor shook his head and laughed silently to himself. Nice to be noticed, anyway.

The movie turned out to be a science fiction mystery thriller type thing. The Doctor rather expected them to at least show some interest, but it was only a few minutes before he could see they'd happened upon the Sirius system equivalent of a Space Opera. He reached for the controls to select something else, but Jack suddenly yelped at the initial appearance of the scantily-clad "troopers" on the screen. The Doctor sighed.

"No, seriously," Jack said, as if fascinated by some technical detail, "hold it right there. Is this the part where they sex up the alien?"

Rose exploded with laughter and reached over the Doctor to whack Jack with a cushion she'd apparently retrieved from somewhere. The next thing the Doctor knew, they were trying to convince him to keep the movie on.

The alien invader captain soon appeared on the screen, a tall, blond adonis of a man, with the occasional application of bright blue paint which proved he was, indeed, an "alien", but in no way detracted from his physical beauty. The Doctor actually grinned at him, as the queen of the female troopers pronounced him a "dangerous devil invader from Arvanon!" complete with melodramatic shrieks.

Rose snorted, "Oh yeah, he looks a right fiend, he does! A sex fiend!"

Jack grinned. "Oh. So is this the part where they sex up the alien?"

Rose threw the pillow, this time, then ducked and hid behind the Doctor, as Jack reached around the Time Lord to thump her repeatedly with the cushion, which she eventually stole. They settled in for a few more seconds, before the alien captain demanded the surrender of the queen and her forces to his rakish pirate charm.

"Oi! Don't surrender!" Rose shouted at the screen, grinning that pretty, lopsided grin of hers. "You'll only encourage him!"

"Nah!" Jack argued. "Surrender to the devilish wiles!"

"Never!" Rose shrieked, and went off into peals of laughter.

He turned and looked around the Doctor at Rose, and went so far as to poke his tongue out at her. Laying his hand on the Time Lord's thigh, he shot her that come hither smile of his. "You know you want to, Rosie," he murmured.

Rose snorted. "No sexy space pirate captain is as sexy as he thinks he is!" she said, haughtily.

Both the Doctor and Jack shot her thoroughly wounded looks. Then, Jack grinned up at the Doctor. "Have you seen this before, Doc? Is this the part where they sex up the alien?"

The Doctor grinned and leaned back, throwing both arms over the back of the sofa. "Not telling," he said mysteriously.

Rose pouted up at him, her face shining in the light from the screen. Her dark brown eyes suddenly softened, and she leaned back against him. He closed his arm over her shoulder and she chuckled softly. Jack looked at them, then pouted down at the Doctor, who rolled his eyes and shoved Jack's shoulder with his free hand. Unrepentant and unconcerned, Jack relaxed, too, curled up against the Doctor, who snorted and, against his better judgement, placed his arm across Jack's broad back.

The young human beamed up at him. On the screen, the troopers were fleeing the alien menace with much jiggling of pertinent anatomy and much heckling from Rose and Jack. The Doctor was grinning and, when the gang of girl troopers escaped through a bulkhead door and the queen sealed it with the fancy stick she was carrying, the Doctor threw both hands in the air and whooped. "Fantastic!" he shouted, utterly oblivious to his human companions who had been startled by his sudden movements.

Rose stood and shook out her hair. "It's getting hot in here," she said, and flung her jumper off over her head, leaving only her sleeveless under shirt and giving both the men a quick eyeful of her bare stomach. "Bet there's an alien menace locked in with 'em," she added, nodding at the screen and smoothing her blonde hair down with her hands.

Jack's smile was naughty as he looked up at her, where he had taken a position leaning back against the Doctor's arm rest and his long legs draped over the other arm rest. "Is this the part where they sex up the alien, then?" he asked blithely.

She picked up her jumper and hurled it at him. He batted it away, managing to swat it at the Doctor instead, who plucked it casually from the top of his head and flung it at the screen. Rose giggled and settled in against the Doctor, bookending him as she took the same position as Jack.

A few moments of waiting, breathlessly for the characters, snickering for the companions, the alien menace did, indeed, sneak out of the closet behind the suddenly hysterical troopers. The Doctor stood, dumping both humans off him, and pulled off his leather jacket. They sorted themselves out quickly, then both looked questions at him, Rose's innocently concerned, Jack's wickedly interested.

"Rose is right," he said, and hung the jacket on a peg behind the door. A few more minutes of watching from that point of view, which meant he couldn't see the long-legged queen try to slip her magic whatsits into a non-existant pocket of her barely there uniform, and he turned to the food slot, punched a few buttons, and came back to the sofa with a large bowl of popcorn.

"Ta, Doctor," Rose said and helped herself to a large handful. Jack tried a few pieces, then began tossing it into the air and catching it in his mouth, one kernel at a time.

The Doctor helped himself somewhat more decorously, although he did take a quick chance to pick a piece off Rose's shirt. She blushed and grinned at him, then turned back to the screen. Jack picked another kernel out of the bowl and held it out for the Doctor. The older man grinned and let Jack launch it at him, catching it neatly and, just for fun, licking his lips flirtatiously. Jack blushed at him, this time.

The queen and her troopers had managed to capture the alien, and had him bound neatly hand and foot.

"'e can get away from that!" Rose snickered. "You'd almost think they weren't really trying."

Jack scooted up to the edge of his seat, eyes wide, face anticipating. "Oh, now this is clever!" he said. "Is this the part where they sex up the alien?"

Rose snorted with laughter. She plucked a small handful of popcorn from the bowl and hurled it at Jack. He ducked, only to end up with white fluffy kernels everywhere, so he chucked it back at her a few pieces at a time. They tossed the corn like happy children, while the Doctor sat back with his arms behind his head and smiled benevolently at his two friends. "You two look like a couple of pre-schoolers, you know," he said, after this had gone on for a minute or so.

Jack laughed out loud and Rose chucked the last of her popcorn at the Doctor. He laughed, too, and set the bowl on the floor, kicking it lightly across the room. The TARDIS probably wasn't paying attention to them, because it sat there for almost another minute before it was moved through to the kitchen. "You're not getting any more," he said, as Jack pouted at him again, "so you can forget it."

The blonde troopers on the screen had apparently informed the pirate ship of their capture of the alien captain and demands for their own release, because all of the sudden, handsome male "aliens" with strategically placed blue paint were coming out of every place the screen flickered to. Jack was laughing. "I want to get on that ship," he said. "Dunno what's wrong with those girls!"

Rose found a new position, this time with her legs over the Doctor's arm rest and her feet in his lap. The blue paint aliens were banding together on screen and all coming together on what was apparently the bridge of the ship.

Meanwhile, the Doctor had noticed a pronounced itch on his left shoulder blade. He wriggled for a minute or so, until Jack noticed and whistled low. Sighing, he sat up, pulled his jumper off over his head, and shook it out. Half a dozen popcorn kernels tumbled to the floor. So did Rose's gaze and Jack's jaw. He smiled quietly to himself and brushed a kernel from his shoulder blade, and plucked one from its position just above the waist band of his jeans.

"Oh," Jack murmured appreciatively, "if that could only have fallen a little further!"

Rose sighed and nodded, her eyes locked on the Doctor's hands. He stretched a little, just to silently snicker at the heated looks Jack was giving his bare shoulders, and went to pull his jumper back on. Rose shook her head. "You're more comfortable without it, aren't you? Besides, now we know what to do 'bout it." He rolled his eyes.

"All right," he agreed, and tossed his jumper up to join Rose's. Then he reached over, picked up her feet, and put them back in his lap, holding his hand over one and lightly stroking her ankle with his thumb.

One of the girl troopers was left alone to guard the captain while the others snuck out, apparently in search of weapons. Meanwhile, on the bridge, the blue paint brigade had brought out a hand sized bit of garishly painted piping in the shape of a 'Y', calling it some sort of fiendish super weapon.

Rose toppled off the chair, laughing. "Are we certain this isn't a very long porno?" she demanded happily.

Jack threw his cushion at the screen. "What're you gonna do with that, fellas?" he asked. "They're girls, you don't need a Y-adapter for 'em"

The Doctor started to laugh. He couldn't help it, it just came out. He threw his head back and laughed hard, genuinely, totally, helplessly amused. "Depends..." he said breathlessly, as his companions laughed with him in shared humor and in surprise. "Depends on... depends on what they're..." He stopped helplessly, chuckling again, then breathed slowly in and out. "Depends on what they're going to do with the..." He started laughing again and gave up, waving them back to the screen.

"We don't want to miss anything good, do we?" he said.

"Is this the part where they sex up the alien?" Jack asked, like a kid on Christmas morning. Rose snatched up both cushions that had somehow ended up in her seat, twacked Jack with them repeatedly, then hurled them across the room to join the jumpers on the floor. Jack stared at the cushions, then at Rose and finally, with a calculating smile, drew his own shirt off over his head and flung it at her.

She snatched it and tossed it to the front of the room as well. Then she stuck her tongue out at him, curled up into her favorite position with her head on the Doctor's shoulder and pointedly ignored the Captain. Her small hand drifted up and rested on the Doctor's bare sternum, just between his hearts. He gave her a small, tender squeeze, then turned his head and stuck his tongue out at Jack as well.

Jack leaned over very close and whispered in the Doctor's ear. "You shouldn't show it unless you plan to use it," he teased huskily.

The Doctor grinned and let Jack rest his head on the older man's shoulder. He put a hand onto Jack's thigh, a return for the much earlier bit of flirting, and Jack grinned happily at him, putting his hand on the Doctor's in return.

They watched in comfortable silence as the scene played out before them. The captain escaped and captured his captor, ravishing her mouth with harsh, then tender kisses. There was much shouting as the erstwhile guard was revealed to be the true queen, the other only a decoy. There was a great deal of running and a lot of flashy special effects, which amused everyone. Then they came to the big climax, a complete deux ex machina where the captain suddenly and mysterious decided to declare his loyalty to the beautiful queen.

They moved closer, coming in for another, far more dramatic kiss, with the soundtrack playing steadily rising music that just got louder and louder. Jack sat up suddenly and grinned. "This is it, isn't it? Is it?" he demanded. "Is this the part where they sex up the alien?"

Rose, breaking her hypnotic concentration on running her fingers blissfully through the Doctor's dark chest hair, sat up suddenly and leveled a fierce glare at Jack. "Stop saying that," she insisted.

"Make me," Jack invited, waving his arm over his body like a sales man showing a new product.

She leaned over the Doctor and thumped Jack on the arm. Jack caught her hand, held on to it, and began to tickle her under her arm. She shrieked, rather more impressively than the girls in the film, and writhed to try to escape him. Jack laughed evilly and let her go, but Rose wasn't done with that.

She leaned up, draping her body over the Doctor's, and slapped Jack's shoulder, then caught him by a belt loop and dragged him closer so she could tickle him back. He was rather stronger than she, so he jerked suddenly and pulled Rose off balance. She fell into the Doctor's lap and turned around so she could get a better grip on Jack, even as the Time Lord placed a steadying arm around her hips.

On screen, the credits rolled utterly unheeded.

Jack leaned over then and started to tickle her, then snaked an arm around the Doctor's waist, just so he could tickle her from behind, too. She shrieked and wiggled and tried to escape, and the Doctor just let it go on in the chair with him, his usual enigmatic smile on his face. Finally, when he wasn't sure how much longer it would be before he ended up with Jack in his lap, too, he cleared his throat to remind his friends that he was there.

Jack beamed at him wickedly over Rose's head, a sultry question in the bright, excited eyes. Rose, of course, looked up at him, and she was so close if she even breathed funny, she would be kissing him full on the lips. She blushed a little but smiled at him defiantly. "Yes?" she whispered, a question, and the suggestion of it lingered over his sensitive skin.

Then Doctor beamed at them both, his blue eyes dark and intense. "So," he said, his voice deep, curious, enticing. "Is this the part where they sex up the alien?"

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?sid=26138>


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